this makes me feel like it's christmas...

sooo close....one step closer. My brother gave me an analogy of how the concept of getting closer to where you dream to be. He gave me the story of his friend, a nuerosurgeon, and the analysis of his journey to 'becoming.' I won't tell the whole story but the message was this: With every milestone that you take (with effort of course) you get closer to where you have always wanted to be. So, I took it and applied it to my life. I am 22, as of April 2nd and i was for the first time proud of my accomplishments. this isn't my life diary. hhahah. but i'll tell my 'story.' i was born in NY & later moved to PA where i was raised in a house full of boys (only girl). Even during my grade school days, I sketched. I sure as hell didn't know what my industry was but i knew that i enjoyed it. i think its fair to say that i am incredibly ambitious and naturally always wanted (want) more---even if i didn't know what the fuck that was.

rushing through grade school i'd contact people stating that i was a "fashion designer" looking for startup capital. And it started there. that belief that i could do anything and with the greatest naivity. it was in my 8th grade class that i finally remembered identifying this 'fashion role. 'With that...i went on to create several conceptual profit making businesses while going through my H.S. Of course during this time you think everything is normal and my Googling obsession had already begun. (I had put the phone book away looking for manufacturers and started cold calling and requesting.) Of course in H.S my fearlessness dimmed down a little but restarted with my friendship with the most brilliant girl, Alexsandra Mitchell who didnt fear being the greatest or best at something. that anchor attracting me to the right ppl was phenomenal. first, i'd like to make clear that my designs with shitful--but incredibly practical for that time in ML. But it was later as an honor student at my H.S that I started to research Parsons. And when I research--i obsess. I started learning more about these names: Proenza, Tom Ford, Meisel etc and it was beautiful. I felt that i knew where i was, visualizing where i wanted to be and how this 'beautiful life' would fit. it was as if everything that i constantly moved towards made lots of sense. so fastforward not getting my acceptance letter through the mail but rather through my email and freaking out. it's crazy to remember all of these 'milestones' so clearly.

Four years later (ugh) and a switch in major later im 'connecting the dots' as said by Steve Jobs. I knew what i wanted. I know what i want. my story doesnt involve having cancer or something insane but it does involve wanting, believing and having anxiety over my next step of 'becoming." Fortunately during my senior year in High school, I was discussing the laws of attraction, quantum physics with my older twin brothers and started to learn that there was more to life than the Forbes 400. hahah. I dont regret any point in my life but rather enjoy seeing it unravel. I don't think I've planned my life but i allowed it to play out by focusing on the bigger picture. Of course there are times where you have to take a risk which could be the biggest 'bitch' ever but it's rewarding.

i'll leave my life story of car obsessions, physically boxing with my brothers in my preteens in the hot summers in Phila and my newfound discovery of the man, my man. I'll just leave you with the brilliant advice that an adviser gave me. And it is magic. He told me:

"Make yourself uncomfortable and that's where the magic is."