who is he?

vogue italia 2006 by meisel

just spoke w/ the twin (1 of my four boysfrombirth) about this gender role. the concept is pretty intense: me & my best friend always joked that we were "men"...with man emotions. i have always wanted the control in situations, dreamt of the car vs the husband & 2.5 kids. ive always wanted a condo/loft and never a house. have been against any film that is anti-manpower. then i look in the mirror and enjoyingly reapply mascara, plan for bigger hair, think of darkening my beauty mark and deal with all the feminine insecurities/preparations. it is a flirtation with the gender. being my own god. how 'man' am i. can i luv me as much as i luv the mm man. drake. sarkozy? i root for a team that i am on. its like, am i cool enough for my own team? haha. ive never luved anyone (besides the boysfrombirth) as much as i luv em. call me crazy.